Feedback is given in many different ways, we have expanded the feedback – from triad to quadrilateral. All of them have the goal of encouraging the feedback recipient to change his or her behaviour.

Sandwich Feedback
In Sandwich Feedback, something positive / appreciative is said first, followed by a point of criticism and finally something positive again. This procedure has proven to be unsuccessful. The criticism deletes the positive and the criticism makes bad feelings and usually does not lead to a change in behaviour. Both feedback givers and feedback receivers remain dissatisfied.


Giving feedback is more successful than triad with the PEW:

  • Perception
  • Effect and
  • Wish.

It assumes that the level of relationship between the two is ok.

Perception: The feedback provider describes the behaviour of the feedback recipient as objectively as possible. What was when and how the concrete behaviour? All senses may and should be used to describe the situation as concretely as possible. Continue to describe until the feedback recipient can remember or get a picture of it. (No interpretation/evaluation, generalizations or statements of identity)

Effect: The feedback giver describes his or her feeling of what has triggered this behaviour. How exactly and where in the body did it make a feeling? (Tingling, pressure, tension, also no interpretation, insinuation, such as „That made me sad“ or similar)

Wish: In the last place is the goal of behavioral change. Here the wish, the demand or the learning task is formulated in a positive, concrete and future-oriented way. (Next time do it this way and that way.) It is important that the feedback recipient then knows exactly what behaviour is meant and what exactly he can or must do. If the feedback triad is carried out correctly, the feedback recipient will know what it is about, what feeling it triggered (motivation not to do it again) and what the desired concrete change in behaviour looks like.

However, this feedback as a triad is only successful if there is no violation of systemic law, such as exclusion or lack of recognition, but if there is an appreciative attitude between giver and taker.

If it is not ok between the two, the triad is not sufficient, because something from the bad relationship level will always resonate and hurt the feedback receiver or he cannot accept the feedback properly. The goal of changing behaviour is not achieved in this way. Therefore we have extended the feedback as triad to the feedback as quadrilateral.


Feedback is most successful when an appreciative attitude is added to the triad.


  • Appreciative attitude
  • Perception
  • Effect and
  • Wish.

The three PEW of the triad are the same. The appreciative attitude is decisive, i.e. is it ok between the feedback giver and receiver. This expands the feedback – from triad to quadrilateral.

For us, an attitude of esteem means that there are no major violations of systemic law between the two and that there is a basis of trust. Appreciative attitude is an attitude which is on the basic emotional level and cannot be easily established by thinking. Appreciative attitude does not mean to say something appreciative like in sandwich feedback, but to feel this feeling of appreciation within oneself at the time of the planned feedback.

In our workshops on „Resolving System Law Violations“ and „Giving Feedback“ we give participants the task of preparing a feedback according to the Vierklang. They can manage the triad, but the crux of the matter is the appreciative attitude. Many then arrive and say, „I can’t prepare the feedback because it’s not good between us.“  Do what?


If there is no appreciative attitude of its own accord, it is necessary to develop one.

  • It used to be good: Go back in time in your thoughts to the point where and when it was still good between you and the person receiving the feedback. Remember that. To be absolutely sure, check how it was when you first met. Was everything okay there? Was there a leap of faith?
  • It’s never been good: In our work as a CoachMediator or System Empowering Coach, various reasons have come to light why it was not good to get to know each other, which are only presented here in an overview: 
  • Confusion with a remembered person
  • Interpretation loop – „Glasses“
  • Mirror: Seeing shadows – I mustn’t… / I must…
  • System law level – poisoned space
  • System law level – not balanced strong enough (+- , -+ or –)
  • System law level – accidental installation
  • Systemic law level – exclusion and prejudice / „glasses“: having heard about the person before
  • System law level – poisoned order … 
  • Structures in organizations that lead to systemic law violations

These nine possible causes are explained in detail in my book „Systemische Mediation“ and what can be done to make it good after all.

  • It used to be good, but there are system law violations: If it was good when getting to know each other or also afterwards and afterwards system law violations occurred, like exclusion, lack of appreciation or injustice with the corresponding violated basic feelings, there is no more appreciative attitude. Only the structured dissolving of these systemic law violations with the five prerequisites helps that in the end an appreciative attitude can develop and only afterwards a feedback in the four-sound is possible.

My book „Systemische Mediation“ also explains how system law violations are resolved in a clearly structured procedure. In our training courses and seminars you will learn how to apply this special method of „System Empowering“ yourself.