In order to resolve a system law violation, five requirements are necessary:

  • The trigger(s), perpetrator(s), or person(s) responsible must be known.
  • There must be a time when everyone (causer and injured) can say it was good (so respect was present = appreciative attitude is possible). The first cause must be known.
  • The injured person and the causer must be sufficiently balanced ++ powerful.
  • Linguistically correct procedure (no accusations or justification)
  • The new, the new „glasses“ must develop

The correct linguistic approach is dealt with here. Experience has shown that we learn to deceive ourselves or to explain our behaviour. Both do not lead to a solution, but often to an intensification of the conflict.

Linguistically correct procedure 


Appreciative attitude: Both go back to the time when it was good for both of them and talk about it. This is the prerequisite for the appreciative attitude.

Perception: The injured person describes the situation or behaviour of the causer as objectively as possible – without reproach or interpretation (see interpretation loop).

Effect: The injured person describes and shows his basic feeling I, i.e. his suffering: „My stomach hurt, I had a racing heart, …“. – without interpretation.

Often, instead of the basic feeling I, the feeling of thinking like „I feel ignored or not respected“ is pronounced here. This usually leads to an injury for the causer and the process stops.

Example statements for basic feelings I in the event of a system violation

restlessness, tingling, heart palpitations, stinging, tickles in the throat, pain in the stomach/belly/head, cramping, trembling, soft knees, shock, pressure/narrowness, sweating, dizziness, dry mouth, tears in the eyes, weeping/sad, flabby voice, stiffness, no air, no feeling anymore, cold, incongruity, cold shiver, fear …

What basic feelings do you know?

Example statements for thinking feelings in case of a system law violation

Passed Over, Resigned, Not Respected, Excluded, Worthless, Unjust, Deceived, Angelogen, Not Seen, Left Alone, Unimportant, In Last Place …

Which statements about mental feelings do you know?

Systemic Mediation

It is important that the basic feeling I is pronounced and shown and not the feelings of thought are mentioned, because they have arisen through an interpretation and will lead to an injury.


Appreciative attitude: The causer goes back mentally to the time when it was good for both (How was it when getting to know each other?). This is the prerequisite for an appreciative attitude.

Recognition: The causer recognizes the basic feeling I, the sorrow, by compassionately feeling himself and saying the following from the right posture: „I am sorry that these hurt feelings arose with you, it was not my intention“. This dissolves the injury, the suffering.

The causer does not talk about his behaviour or his positive intention behind the behaviour, because it mostly comes as justification.

Compensation: The causer takes back, if necessary, the part of anger for which he is responsible, and possibly provides further compensation.

New behavior: „Had I known that my behavior hurt you, my behavior would have been different, namley …“

The linguistically correct procedure is in the first three steps equal to giving feedback and to the method of non-violent communication from Rosenberg.